Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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