She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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