My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
