if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
