I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
