You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
