Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
