now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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