i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
