whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
