I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
operation have a gay friend backfired
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize