his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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