i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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