I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
