yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
