just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
