Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
