Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
