Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
