I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
