I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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