apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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