you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
