I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
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Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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