You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
