I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
