Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
