My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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