Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
