found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
