girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
