so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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