u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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