Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
