Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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