Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
