I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
