he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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