That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
pop tarts are not kleenex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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