Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
