he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need moral support for this bender
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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