you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
