Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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