If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
