I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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