As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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