1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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