we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
