i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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