you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
