Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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