how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
