Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
