i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
