You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
