the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
