Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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