i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
