My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
