Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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