i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
