Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
