sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think my moral compass just broke
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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