we have officially lost it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
