Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
