omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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