A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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