are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
